The Competence Trap

ou have worked so hard to get to where you are. You have studied, you’ve stayed late, you’ve done the extra thing, and gone the extra mile. You are good at your job. People see that, they tell you you’re doing great, and they keep asking you to take on more and more responsibility.

It feels good to be recognized. It feels good to be needed. You take a lot of pride in being able to “figure it out” and “get shit done”. But it's become a trap.

“You’ve built your career on being the person who figures it out. The one who doesn’t drop the ball and who can be counted on to handle what others can’t. And now that very competence has become a trap, because if you’re the most capable person in the room, how do you ever stop being the one who carries everything?"

– Do Your Part: Bold, Sustainable Leadership for Social Impact Leaders in a Time of Polycrisis

When you're the one that everyone comes to and you are at the end of your rope what do you do? The pressure can feel immense.

Recently I was asked to take on a new leadership responsibility. The person who asked specifically said they asked me because I’m “so reliable.” This was both flattering and extremely annoying.

The catch-22 is that when you're reliable, people ask you to do more. But the more you take on, the less reliable you actually become. You wake up one day surrounded by committees, direct reports, and a job description that's a mile long wondering how on earth you got there.

If you want your reality to change, you have to start saying no. But saying no isn't as simple as it sounds, because you likely derive real self-worth from being sought out and appreciated. And, if you're honest, maybe a little from being the one who can handle what others can't. That's a normal and natural part of being human. It's also making it hard to let anything go.

To have a different reality, you have to decouple your sense of worth from what you produce and carry. You have to be willing to not rush in and provide a solution, to wait in the discomfort of seeing who else steps up, and live with them doing it differently than you would have.

That's hard, but it is within your control.

Do Your Part publishes June 15th. More soon.