When Perfectionism No Longer Serves You
Perfectionism is something I know very deeply and personally. I'm a recovering high achiever and perfectionist, and I've spent years afraid of failing, being judged, or "getting in trouble."
I know how it feels to carry the weight of high-stakes decisions, the responsibility to create meaningful change, and the pressure to show up in alignment with my values and my very high expectations for myself in each moment. At many points in my career “getting it right” didn’t feel like an option, it felt like a requirement.
Many of us have internalized the belief that we have to be perfect, but what if this very mindset is actually holding us back?
What Perfectionism Looks and Feels Like
Perfectionism isn't just about having high standards, it's something much deeper. At its core, perfectionism is driven by fear: fear of mistakes, criticism, or failure. It's the voice that tells us making a mistake means being a mistake. It demands we get things right the first time and convinces us that overpreparing is the path to success.
You might recognize perfectionism in action when you find yourself writing and rewriting to get to that "perfect" draft, rehearsing presentations endlessly, or beating yourself up for minor slip-ups like a typo or technical glitch on a Zoom call. Perhaps you hold your team to impossibly high standards, trying to control every outcome so tightly that nothing can go wrong.
The Origins of Perfectionism
Perfectionism is fundamentally about control and self-protection and it often comes from a place of deep care and sense of responsibility. We try to manage every variable, minimize uncertainty, and ensure nothing goes wrong because of us because we are so invested.
This pattern often begins in childhood, shaped by family dynamics and educational experiences that taught us that when we performed at high levels we were celebrated and rewarded, and conversely that mistakes were a disappointment. The pressure to perform intensifies as we grow into adulthood, and furthermore when we move into visible leadership roles. The expectations get higher as our roles get more complex, but the underlying need to perform remains the same.
Striving for perfection is a natural and understandable response to oppressive systems that are stacked against people with identities that have been marginalized. When you are one of the few women in a male-dominated workplace or one of the only people of color in a majority-white environment the pressure to perform flawlessly can be particularly acute. And research has shown that women and people of color are punished more harshly for making mistakes in the workplace.
The Costs
When we try to control every outcome, beat ourselves up, or avoid trying something for fear of getting it wrong, we are hurting both ourselves and others.
Perfectionism creates diminishing returns. We spend disproportionate amounts of time overthinking and overpreparing for minimal improvement, leading to fewer completed projects and eventual burnout. Work sits unreleased because we're convinced it isn't ready or good enough. We waste precious time and energy redoing, perseverating, and overthinking. Worst of all, we risk creating unhealthy and sometimes even toxic work environments for our teams.
The irony is that in trying so hard to avoid failure, we often create the very conditions that lead to it.
A Path Forward
Your perfectionism likely served a purpose. It protected you, helped you achieve, and got you to where you are today. But perhaps it is no longer serving you.
Here are some of the lessons I've learned through my own journey:
Focus on excellence, not perfection. It's absolutely okay to have high standards and want to excel. But when you don't meet those standards, do you see it as a personal failure? Challenge those thoughts. Failure and mistakes are normal and expected parts of growth.
Release the illusion of control. Since perfectionism is often about avoiding discomfort, do your best to accept that you can't control the future no matter how hard you plan or try.
Create small experiments. Give yourself permission to "just do it" and see what happens. Try writing a LinkedIn post in 10 minutes instead of 30, winging a staff meeting with just a loose agenda, or reading emails only once before sending. Start small and celebrate these acts of letting go.
Build resilience. The key isn't avoiding problems, it's building your capacity to navigate uncertainty, process feedback constructively, and make adjustments along the way.
More than anything, practice giving yourself grace, self-compassion, and kindness. Your perfectionism got you this far, but it doesn't have to define where you go from here.
I haven’t figured it all out, but I am committed to a better way forward—for myself, for you, and for the important work we've all dedicated ourselves to.
Citations
Okun, Tema. “Sense of Urgency.” WHITE SUPREMACY CULTURE, http://www.whitesupremacyculture.info/urgency.html . Accessed 3 Apr. 2025.
Parajuli, Abhishek. _“_The punishment gap: how workplace mistakes hurt women and minorities most.” The World Economic Forum, 18 June 2019, https://www.weforum.org/stories/2019/06/the-punishment-gap-how-workplace-mistakes-hurt-women-and-minorities-most/ . Accessed 18 June 2025.