The Double-Edged Sword of Intense Relationships in Mission-Driven Work
Our deepest professional bonds can be both our greatest strength and our biggest challenge.
If you've ever worked on a small nonprofit team, been an organizer, or been a teacher, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The bonds you form in those "in the trenches" roles where you're scrappy, doing more with less, emotionally drained, and yet so deeply committed to the mission feel unbreakable.
These intense relationships are a hallmark of mission-driven work. But are they always serving us well?
The Magic of Mission-Driven Bonds
At their best, intense workplace relationships feel electric. You're working alongside brilliant, values-aligned teammates tackling work that truly matters.
Some of my most treasured relationships are from these high-stakes environments. The depth of connection that comes from working toward something bigger than yourself is irreplaceable.
When Intensity Becomes Problematic
But I've learned that the same intensity can make it difficult to maintain healthy boundaries. In these instances the fear of losing belonging or being judged can keep you stuck in unsustainable patterns.
Warning signs that the intensity of relationships may not be serving you:
You work longer and longer hours because you don't want to "let down" colleagues
Hierarchies blur when your boss is also your friend and confidant
Feedback becomes personal rather than professional
You spend time in endless processing sessions that don't advance the mission
There is a gossip culture that builds closeness through "us and them" dynamics
You feel guilty taking time off knowing someone else will need to pick up the slack
The very relationships that energize us can normalize unhealthy workplace cultures and become a barrier to making a change.
The Reality of Social Impact Work
Social impact work is inherently intense. It attracts people with big hearts, and we need colleagues who have our backs. Of course we get enmeshed with one another.
You might think "You're pathologizing passion" or "This is just the nature of the work."
I'm all for passion, but we need accountability and high expectations that don't exploit that passion. There's a difference between working with urgency and working in unsustainable ways that lead to burnout.
And yes, there are real structural issues that contribute to the current reality. But when we as individuals take on the personal responsibility of fixing oppressive systems we are setting ourselves up. Individual and systemic solutions can coexist. We can work for structural change while also addressing challenging interpersonal dynamics.
It's also important to note that there are cultural differences in how healthy workplace relationships are defined. There's no one-size-fits-all approach, but regardless of what it looks like, making room to care for yourself and each other without judgement is a key component of a healthy culture.
Questions for Reflection
If you’re wondering if the intensity of your work relationships might be keeping you stuck in unsustainable patterns, ask yourself:
Where is your motivation coming from? The most impactful work comes from joy and possibility, not shame or fear of losing belonging.
Are your work relationships honoring each person's humanity beyond what they produce?
What thoughts come up for you when you consider setting boundaries like taking a real lunch break or not answering emails after hours?
Are your friends in other fields working 60 hours a week or feeling guilty about going out for dinner or taking a day off? Maintaining relationships outside your sector can provide a helpful perspective.
Building Sustainable, Deep Connections
We don't need to choose between deep relationships and sustainability. The goal is to lean into the motivating, energizing parts of work relationships without losing track of yourself and your needs. In my experience that’s best for you, best for your team, and best for the mission.