Navigating Exposure as a Leader
Running for office is one of the most exposing and vulnerable things you can do. You are essentially walking up to people all day, every day and asking "do you like me?" You have to defend your background, your personality, your life choices, and your beliefs to strangers, neighbors, community leaders, and people you respect and never imagined you'd actually be talking to. And at the end of it all, people literally vote on whether they think you're good enough.
Of course that brings up everything. Past experiences, childhood wounds, every fear you've ever had about whether you measure up come right to the surface.
For people pleasers and empaths, this is brutal. You absorb everyone's feelings, fears, and doubts as though they are a reflection of you. To a certain extent, addressing people's concerns is part of the job. But getting consumed by them and turning them inward is a recipe for disaster.
This dynamic is sharpest for candidates, but it exists across leadership. People are judging your style, your positions, and your decisions constantly. They will talk about you behind your back, and sometimes to your face. You are exposed in a way that most people will never experience.
And it's easy to say "that's what you signed up for," but if we only want hard, impervious people setting our direction, we are in trouble. The world needs empathic, caring leaders, and those leaders need real support.
So how do you manage this level of exposure?
First, acknowledge that it's real and hard. Beating yourself up for feeling hurt doesn't help anything.
Second, get selective about what you let in. Not every opinion is yours to absorb. Other people's reactions are shaped by their own histories, fears, and needs. Before you let feedback land, Juliane Taylor Shore offers a useful two-question framework: "Is this true? Is this about me?" You get to decide what's actually constructive and relevant.
Third, build in more recovery time. Be kind to the parts of yourself that feel activated, rejected, and afraid. Bring the same gentleness to yourself that you would to someone you love who is struggling. The world is not being gentle with you right now, so you have to be extra gentle with yourself.
You are doing a really hard thing that most people would never consider doing. Of course you need more support.
Want to talk to someone who gets it? Let's connect.
References
Shore, Juliane Taylor. Setting Boundaries That Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe,... Connected, and Empowered. New Harbinger Publications, 2023.