Feel Like You’re Always in the Spotlight? You’re Not Alone. How to Lead Through Fear of Mistakes and Judgment
The Reality of Leadership Visibility
Leadership comes with a built-in spotlight. Your role is public and visible. Team members look to you for direction, stakeholders monitor your performance, and clients depend on you. This can be vulnerable and even scary at times.
This reality is compounded by our brains' bias towards seeing ourselves as the center of the universe, known as "The Spotlight Effect." Humans have a tendency to overestimate how much others notice, observe, and judge our actions and decisions. We experience life through our own perspective, making our failures, mistakes, and perceived shortcomings feel magnified compared to how others actually perceive them.
As a result of both real and perceived visibility, you may feel pressure to perform perfectly in every moment.
Leading through Complexity
Leading requires navigating tremendous complexity, emotions, and uncertainty. There isn't a script for leading through the current moment, so we're making it up as we go. You'll get some things right and some things wrong. There's a real vulnerability in learning in public. With so much uncertainty, others often look to you for guidance and steadfastness when you may not feel those things yourself.
Given all of this, it makes perfect sense to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and uncertain.
Signs You're Caught in the Spotlight
Many leaders experience the catch-22 of knowing it's part of your job to take risks and be bold, while feeling pressure to perform perfectly in every moment. This can result in a fight, flight, or freeze response. In response to the fear of being judged for saying or doing the wrong thing, you might find yourself:
Overthinking every communication and decision
Mentally rehearsing potential criticisms before making statements
Lying awake replaying interactions for possible missteps
Being overly affected by others' opinions
Choosing the cautious path and avoiding risks
The reflective tendencies that were once a strength may have shifted into hyper-vigilance that consumes enormous mental bandwidth and blocks the decisive leadership your organization needs.
Building Resilience
You can't control uncertainty, but you can build resilience to respond to it effectively. Here are practical steps to become more grounded:
Get deeply rooted in your values People won't always agree with you, but when you're anchored in what you believe, you are more prepared to weather the storm. Get crystal clear on your values, goals, and the specific actions steps toward them.
Build grounding practices into both your daily routine and moments of need. One strategy could be to write a touchstone statement and place it on your desk as a daily reminder. Another strategy is to create a visualization such as a tree with roots extending deep into the earth that you can call up when you feel overwhelmed.
Be selective about feedback Be thoughtful about whose opinions and reactions you let in. In her book Setting Boundaries that Stick, Juliane Taylor Shore offers a powerful framework for setting psychological boundaries by asking: "Is this true? Is this about me?" There's so much noise in the world, and you get to decide what's constructive and relevant. These questions create a buffer, giving you space to intentionally decide what information deserves your attention.
Embrace being a learner, not a knower Reject the idea that you must get everything right. This falsehood traps many perfectionists. In her book Dare to Lead, Brené Brown distinguishes between being a "knower" versus a "learner." Needing to always be right can be defensive and unproductive. Accepting that we are all learners, approaching situations with curiosity, and being gentle with ourselves and others creates space for growth and compassionate leadership.
Collect evidence of success Humans have a strong negativity bias. We notice failures more readily than successes. Counter this tendency by intentionally gathering evidence of your wins, both big and small. Return to these pieces of evidence regularly, especially during moments of self-doubt.
Regulate your nervous system When stressed, cortisol floods your body. This works well for short bursts but becomes harmful long-term. Chronic stress can become so routine that you may not even realize you're constantly operating in fight, flight, or freeze mode. Building intentional regulation practices is critical for staying calm, strategic, and healthy.
Try simple practices like standing barefoot in grass, breathing deeply, taking a mindful walk, or holding a warm beverage while fully attending to the sensations of the cup in your hand. Tell yourself "I am safe" and "I am capable" as you allow your heart rate and breathing to slow. This isn't frivolous, it's essential.
Leading Forward
It's perfectly natural to feel pressure when in a visible role with others depending on you. Building your capacity to discern between real needs and over-amplified scrutiny will help keep your energy, focus, and impact on what truly matters. By implementing these practices consistently, you can lead with greater clarity, confidence, and effectiveness even amid uncertainty.
Citations
Brown, C. Brené. Dare to Lead: Brave Work, Whole Hearts, Tough Conversations. Random House, 2018.
Cuncic, Arlin. “Spotlight Effect: Not Everyone Is Looking at You.” Verywell Mind, Verywell Mind, 28 Aug. 2023, www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-spotlight-effect-3024470.
Shore, Juliane Taylor. Setting Boundaries That Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe,... Connected, and Empowered. New Harbinger Publications, 2023.