Building a Supportive Community
We’ve all likely heard the African proverb, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” This proverb beautifully encapsulates the power of collaboration and community and how crucial it is to come together to achieve big goals.
I wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment. But what’s often missing in conversations about building networks, support systems, or communities is a focus on what qualities actually make a community supportive and sustainable over the long term.
It’s a natural human instinct to surround ourselves with people who share similar beliefs, values, or approaches. There’s comfort in being united by a common cause, especially in moments of shared outrage or challenge. That feeling of camaraderie when we’re "in the trenches" together can be exhilarating. It connects us. However, in my experience, that type of connection alone isn’t always sustainable, and it can even reinforce unhealthy patterns.
Just like ecosystems in nature, a healthy community thrives on diversity of backgrounds, perspectives, experiences, and roles. To build a truly supportive network, we need people who can both lift us up and hold us accountable in different ways.
Here are some important questions to consider when thinking about the people you turn to for support:
1. Do they really see you?
Do the people in your community see all of who you are? Not just your successes, but also your struggles? Do they encourage you to set healthy boundaries, or do they expect you to give everything for the cause? A supportive community should respect that you are a whole person and that you shouldn’t have to carry the weight alone.
2. Are you in an echo chamber?
Do the people around you share the same ideas and beliefs about how to reach your goals? Are you all trapped in the same cycles of self-doubt or burnout? It’s easy for groups to normalize unhealthy behaviors, especially when everyone is collectively struggling. Be mindful of whether your community is inadvertently reinforcing unrealistic expectations or toxic patterns.
3. Are your relationships constructive or destructive?
Gossip may quickly forge bonds, but it’s a shallow foundation. Communities built on criticizing others to elevate “our group” can easily turn toxic. Trust is essential in any community, and once gossip starts, it can erode trust and safety, making vulnerability difficult.
4. Does your community love you hard when you need it?
Sometimes, others see us more clearly than we see ourselves. I remember a time during my city council campaign when a close friend essentially forced me to take a break. She saw that I was running on empty when I couldn’t recognize it myself. In that moment, I trusted her judgment over my own and it was what I needed. We all need people in our lives who will forcefully step in to protect and care for us in the moments when we really need it.
5. Does your community hold you accountable with care and compassion?
Accountability is important, but it’s only effective when it’s delivered with compassion. Will your community gently call you in when you make a misstep? Will they stay with you through the challenges of growth and leadership, while helping you stay true to your values? Can you make mistakes and learn from them without fear of judgment?
6. Are you giving back?
As you reflect on how your community supports you, ask yourself: Are you providing the same support to others? A thriving, care-filled community is a two-way street.
Being intentional about who we surround ourselves with, and who we support, is an important form of self-care. How we get to our goals is as important as whether we achieve them. When we build rich, supportive communities, we create a collective powerhouse that strengthens everyone.