3 Steps To Move From Survival Mode To Sustainability
You feel like every day you are drowning. You are overwhelmed by the state of the country, by the need in your community, by the constant news cycle, by the many causes you believe in and are trying to support with your time and money. By the demands of your job, by desperately fundraising before the money runs out, by your team spiraling and needing support, by staff shortages, by so many emails. And at home by your kids and parents depending on you, by summer camp sign-ups, soccer practice, bedtime tantrums, friend drama, and endless dinner cooking.
You know you can't keep going like this, but you can't see a way to change anything. Everything is important. No ball can drop.
Sometimes you fantasize about having a day with nothing scheduled and no one asking you for anything. It's not fancy, it's not a beach vacation. It's just being in your house with no one talking to you.
When you're in that level of overwhelm, a steady, sustainable reality is almost impossible to imagine, let alone plan for.
When clients come to me in this desperate state, we work through three steps:
Emergency triage
Dreaming about what a different way could look and feel like
Building a sustainable reality
Step 1: Emergency Triage
Research on stress and the prefrontal cortex shows that chronic high-stress states genuinely diminish our capacity for strategic thinking and problem-solving.¹ You really are stuck because you can't think beyond survival. This is not an accident. One of the ways our existing capitalist system keeps us numb is by keeping us overwhelmed, overworked, and unable to dream and organize. So the first thing we have to do is stabilize.
The guilt is making it worse. The overwhelm is often compounded by the voice in your head saying you're letting people down at work and at home, that your kid shouldn't eat mac and cheese three nights a week, that you should have been braver and bolder. All those "shoulds" take up so much energy.
Action step one: Accept that you may not be your best in every moment right now, and start carving out small pockets of space. Thirty minutes with your child with your phone face-down. An uninterrupted morning to write that memo you've been putting off. Small, protected moments that belong to you.
Action step two: Identify two or three non-negotiables for your own health and put them on your calendar like any other commitment. This could be exercise, eating lunch, or getting outside. Treat these like requirements, because they are.
These small things won't solve it all. But they can lower the temperature just enough to begin imagining a different way.
Step 2: What Might a Different Way Look and Feel Like?
This is the dreaming stage where you get to fantasize about a reality that doesn't feel bad. Not vacation or an escape, but a vision of your actual daily life with some guardrails around it.
Clients often say things like: I want to check my email before jumping into meetings. I really don't want to run that fundraising gala. I want one day a month to catch up on all the household things. Okay, now we're cooking with gas! Now we can ask, how possible is that?
Action step: Name what you want, then ask yourself, what's in the way of you having that? – both externally and internally. A lot of the external obstacles are real. But a lot of what gets in the way is internal. For example, the belief that wanting a limit means you're not committed or that you're only a "good" person if you are consistently doing the most.
This stage is also about believing that you deserve this vision of reality. That you are worth putting up these guardrails for. That it doesn't mean you aren't committed to the cause, to your team, or to your family.
Step 3: Building a Sustainable Reality
Now finally we get to work creating a sustainable day to day.
Sometimes at the end of Step 2, clients realize they need to make a big change: restructure their team, recontract with their partner or hire more help at home, take a sabbatical, or even look for another job.
But often the steps we take together are about putting you back in the driver's seat so that you are creating your reality instead of reacting to it.
Action steps: Decide what you'll say “yes” to and what you'll say "not yet" or “no” to. Block time for things that matter. Put your phone on do not disturb more than feels comfortable. Empower your team to carry more, and actually let them.
Undergirding all of this is a sense of worthiness and a release of the outcome. If some balls drop, that's okay. It's not a reflection of your worth, your skill, or your values. Research in self-compassion shows that treating yourself with the same care you'd offer a friend doesn't diminish your effectiveness, it actually increases it.²
Refusing to accept the systems creating these conditions is part of sustainability too. What actions can you take to dismantle the systems of capitalism, white supremacy, and colonialism that are creating these conditions in the first place? This is what Kristin Neff calls fierce compassion.³ Push for paid family leave, a four-day work week, or realistic board expectations. Get involved in a campaign, volunteer, protest. This isn't an add-on to sustainability, it's core to it.
The system is rigged, and we've got to find a way to live within it even as we work to tear it down.
Our collective success depends on leaders who are still standing years from now. Your organization needs you healthy, grounded, and thinking clearly. So does your team. So does your community. So do you.
References
Arnsten, Amy F.T. "Stress Signalling Pathways That Impair Prefrontal Cortex Structure and Function." Nature Reviews Neuroscience 10, no. 6 (2009): 410-422. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn2648
Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow, 2011. https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/
Neff, Kristin, et al. Mindful Self-Compassion for Burnout: Tools to Help You Heal and Recharge When You're Wrung Out by Stress. Guilford Publications, 2024.